I think I’m going to start
writing a blog, or some sort of thing. It will be very simple in how the
stories are delivered. I’m not sure if there will even be any stories. The
grammar will be bad at times, that I’m certain. Il include people interact with
daily. I think it will be brutally honest, I think it’s important that its
honest. Some people that know me will be super shocked by it. The things I’ve
done, still do, think and things I’ve changed. Shit I’m scared. What i write
will upset a few people and institutions, but it will be the truth and honest,
so that’s ok. I wonder if the details should be graphic or just on the surface.
Wait, the surface sucks, it’s not real and serves no purpose. Graphic it is.
Wonder of i will ever publish this badly written garbage? It’s not even linear
in my thoughts, how will it make sense to anyone else. Aren’t there like
million blogs out there, everyone wanting to be heard? I hope no1 ever reads it
to be honest, or am I lying? Why would i lie. I don’t know. This should be
longer . .
I haven’t been to church in a
while, but strange enough my relationship and understanding of God has seen
leaps in growth, a peace of sorts. Makes me wonder. I kinda prefer talking
about God, Jesus amongst people that don’t know Him like I do. I prefer getting
into conversations, debates about faith, creation and evolution, aliens and dinosaurs.
I go out, i listen to the music
everyone listens to, i hear the lyrics. I’ve been drunk countless amounts of
times, met random girls, i can’t even accurately account for the women I’ve shared
myself with . .hmmm, its not a fun place for the mind to revisit. I’ve been
that asshole, that douchebag. I’m passed
being concerned about that, it’s a truth i cannot undo. I know the connection
people find in these things, these acts, and yes I understand, I completely
understand why young men who love God behave the way they do, and I know some
of your arguments will be “If you love God, you would not be able to do all
these things”, you are wrong. I listen to music that drives them, that shapes
their reality, I don’t shun it a face value as just music that promotes greed,
sex, drinking, drugs, balling and free living nah mean. Of which I’ve done a
fare share of myself, apart from the drugs.
Anyway, i have to start at
the beginning . . . before I can accurately account for the present, for who I
am now and how I have ended being this guy I am today, a single 28year old dude,
who just wants to travel and build schools in the most rural of areas, why I
want nothing to stand in the way of that direct direction from God. My soul,
the universe, whatever you like to refer to Him as.
